Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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