I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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