I just made out with a guy for $7.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
