nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
