Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
