after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
