We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
