it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
