she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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