Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize