barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
