yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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