i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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