Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
