Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
