Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
