get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
