You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
