I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
