Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
