This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
