Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
