I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
