i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's blow job season.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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