Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
