He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
