Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
