I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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