So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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