if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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