im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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