After last night, I could never be a politician.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
