i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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