I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize