I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
