i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
