none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
