look no pants
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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