The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's just like the Real World with babies
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
