for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
