He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
