can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need moral support for this bender
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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