so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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