It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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