Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
