im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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