Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize