sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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