you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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