I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
