I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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