Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize