I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
