Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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