why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
