My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
