We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
