I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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