Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
