my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
