Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
