We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
