gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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